About me

I knew I always want a baby of my own, right from a little girl. 

I'm the youngest in a huge family, all of which had kids. I was an aunt at the ripe old age of 1!

I've got so many nieces and nephews and great nieces and nephews I've lost count and just knew I wanted to add to the numbers. 

Back in the 1990's. I had got with my childhood sweetheart and it got serious. We decided to try for a baby after about a year of being together. 

Month after month I was left devasted as Aunt Flo came to stay. 

I'd been pregnant before from my ex (at a very stupid young age) which we'd decided we were too young to be able to cope with so had the pregnancy terminated. That was one of the hardest decisions I'd ever have to make and it's something I still regret to this day.

But, I knew I could get pregnant... so what was the problem now?

We married after being together about 5 years, 4 of those were us trying for a baby. We married young which is why, I think, that the hospital wouldn't help us. 

I was 22 when I married, the doctors had told me that coming off of the pill would take a year maybe more to get completely out of my system. We kept getting told to come back for more tests. 

I can remember 1 day saying to my GP after yet another sperm sample request 'we've done 5 of these already! If there is something wrong then please start helping us instead of keep sending us home'

After a painful laparoscopy (which came back that I was ok but then I knew that already as I'd already been pregnant) the hospital decided it was in fact that my husband had a low sperm count and that the majority of his 'swimmers' couldn't actually swim. 

All these tests over the years had begun to take their toll. We were arguing more, he was going out. I can remember he came home after disappearing for a whole weekend - I'd packed all his stuff ready to throw him out - he came home and admitted that he'd been having an affair with a girl who already had a child. A ready made family. Something he could never give me. 

It didn't last very long after that, even though I'd forgiven him, the fact was he was ashamed and felt guilty, I still longed for a baby... we separated not long after.

I then got back with my ex and fell pregnant immediately. 

I'd lie on my belly just wanting to feel some movement. Butterflies I'd been told, light fluttering... 

From very early on after having my son I knew I would do it again but not for me this time, for someone else who was in the position I'd been in previously. 

I wanted to be a surrogate. 

My partner wasn't at all pleased. I'd keep looking through the COTS website. It had said that if you were with a partner, you had to have their full support. 

Again and again I'd mention it, the answer was always NO. He wouldn't have me being pregnant by someone else. 

That relationship didn't last very long for one reason and another, our son was nearly 2 when we separated. 

I met someone else, someone I'd known from years before, and we got together. He was told right from the very beginning that I'd like to be a surrogate but he was worried in case we'd decide to have a child of our own. 

This argument went on over the next 8 or 9 years - in that time we'd married and decided that we'd had enough kids between us. Him having 2 and my 1. 

He wasn't keen on the idea of me being pregnant by someone else either... I think all men think that we're gonna sneak off and do the dirty deed in the other room whilst they're watching the footie or something! 

Anyway, he finally gave in after yet another discussion after me watching One Born Every Minute USA where a surrogate had just given birth to twins...

His words were, and I'll never forget them...

'Who am I to stop you doing something you've always wanted to do... contact COTS'

So who was I to argue.....?